For a long time, I didn’t want children. Being responsible for the life of another human being terrified me. Plus, I had already carved out a career path that would be easier without children. Plus, it looked like I wasn’t going to meet “the one” anytime soon. Isn’t it funny how things change?
Pregnancy
Fast forward a few years. I found myself happily married and pregnant with my first child. I was terrified. I was child of the seventies and had lived a carseat-less life, nourished on sodas and boxed macaroni and cheese. How was I supposed to care for a child, amid product recalls and health warnings? After a much thought, I decided on a natural childbirth.
Natural Childbirth
So I studied the Bradley method, took breastfeeding classes, and watched what I ate. Complications at birth made all of those preparations meaningless. I was in a bed, helpless, as I watched someone else care for my newborn. Once home, I was unsure as to what I was supposed to do with this tiny human being. It took a while before I was able to enjoy him and feel close to him.
Round Two
When I had my daughter a year later, I became hysterical when they told me she’d have to stay an extra night after I was released. I was so afraid that I’d lose that early bond like I had with my son.
A Failure
I felt like such a failure at parenting. Breastfeeding. Lasted a month. Cloth diapering. Did only for a few months. Homemade baby food. Only one child received it. Co-sleeping only made me pray my child would go to sleep so I could.
Looking back, I realized I didn’t fail at natural parenting. I failed at perfection. But when I receive a sticky hug from a child, or an “I love you, Mommy,” I realize I haven’t failed at all.
I don’t see failure just an alternate route. This motherhood thing is unpredictable at times! Lately I was feeling bad because I’ve been using more disposables than I’d like but 2 kids in cloth has made keeping up with laundry a bit crazy for me right now.
Darcy recently wrote…5 Casually Romantic Restaurants in Ozaukee County Area
I did cloth for a while, but then the washer broke. All we had available was coin washers and that wasn’t practical with two kids.
Going from one to two takes some adjusting. It’ll all work itself out!
All of those things worked for me, but I don’t think the parenting mythos is important. What’s important is that you do what is right for your family, and in your case, it was clearly something else – so you are a success, as you say.
There are so many parenting methods and theories thrown at families today that it can be confusing and overwhelming, but don’t ever feel you are doing something wrong – you are the best mom you can be and that will probably look different from any other mom because we’re all unique and have unique kids. 
Thanks for sharing and for joining the Write Mama blog hop.
Bonnie Way recently wrote…Birth Announcements (and Write Mama Blog Hop)
It can be quite confounding when everyone tells you to do different things. But I guess they thing that matters is doing what we know is best.